Part 2: Stop Waking Up and Starting Your Day in a Deficit
(continued from Part 1: Stop Waking Up and Starting Your Day in a Deficit)
Instead of attempting to carry everything on your own shoulders, learn to spread the weight of the anxiety and frustration across your culture. If you find yourself having to work through every struggle on your own, starting from scratch every time, you’ll eventually find yourself out of steam because the struggles never end. Really, they don’t.
It’s not that some people never struggle and others are more prone to struggling. The reality is that most people who seem to never struggle simply know how to handle it better. It may be that they know how to let their culture do some of the work for them.
If you recall from reading You Little Jerk, culture is your way of life and it happens automatically. It’s like a reflex. If you can create the right reflexes in response to anxiety and frustration, you’re going to be a step ahead any time those anxious feelings show up.
For example, the best advice I’ve ever received about working out is to start by putting on my shoes. Maybe you’ve never had a moment where you try to talk yourself out of a workout…I try every time. The best way to overcome the resistance is to immediately go and put my shoes on. It changes your mindset. And it works!
That reflex is indicative of a value and culture in our home – prioritize your health. And that little step makes the resistance more manageable.
The question for you is, “What do you need to build into your culture to make facing the anxiety and frustration more manageable?” This is different than just creating a habit, because a habit can be developed without anyone else’s help. A culture requires other people. So, what do you need to build into your culture, that includes other people, to help you manage?
Choose reflexes to develop that work for you. Build culture around you to help you feel less overwhelmed by the struggle and more capable. Here are several examples of helpful behaviors, beliefs, or values to consider:
Breathe more. Take 1 minute to take deep breaths as a reset anytime you feel frustrated. It’s a small behavior with a huge impact. The culture side of this suggestion is in giving others you trust permission to prompt you to breathe, as needed.
Remind yourself. You do not have to face your struggle alone. When anxiety wells up, it’s okay to bring people into the conversation you’re having in your head. Establish a culture where it’s acceptable to have meaningful conversations that go beyond the surface.
Seek context. Personally, I believe Jesus is a higher power who is greater than me. And I take consolation in the fact that I am not left to face my inner-conflict alone. If my own strength and willpower is the end of the line, it won’t be long before I have no more to give. Build culture to point you back to what you believe, whatever that may be for you.
A healthy culture is an easier way to equip yourself to handle frustration. It should alleviate waking up in a daily deficit wondering how you’re going to manage today. It won’t solve all your problems, but it will ensure you’re more prepared for the fight.